Return to Face to Face Counselling

After much consideration I have decided the time is right to return to seeing clients face to face . I am so excited to have the intimacy of counselling couples and individuals in person again

There is a screen between myself and the clients to protect each of us, as in keeping with Government guidelines.

I have enjoyed working via Zoom and this will be still available for any clients who request using media rather than face to face.

Clients are requested to bring their own tissues and drinks should they be needed. Washroom facilities can be made available in and emergency.

Physical Touch

it is strange time to be writing about physical touch, with many restrictions on who or what you can touch at the moment, each person is interpreting the guidelines as they understand them. Are you missing that physical touch more than ever, no hugs or shaking of hands, touching elbows just isn’t the same.

Were you hugged as a child? Hugging is important for babies and children it is reassuring to them that they are important and they feel safe and soothed. If, like me, you were not hugged very much as a child, this can be a difficult area, we need to learn how to show affection by physical touch, take a bit of a risk that were doing the right thing, touching in the way that expresses our true feelings toward the recipient of our attention. it is also important the recipient feels comfortable with the way we are touching them.

We often interpret physical touch as sex, sex is very important in a relationship but if the only time you touch your partner is when you want or are having sex and your partners love language is physical touch they will soon feel very short changed. A touch as you are passing in the kitchen, a kiss as you leave the house, sitting together in the evening, are all forms of physical touch that can let your partner know in a very natural way you love them.

Love is a very important, it is considered to be a primary human need, helping us to function both physically and emotionally. Gary Chapman who wrote the Book The 5 Love Languages, often refers to us having a love tank and it is true we operate best when our love tank is full, meeting each others physical needs is important but without love we have nothing.

How full is your love tank today?

#relationships #love #couples

Quality Time Together

Do you remember when you couldn’t get enough time together? the anticipation of your next meeting, the dreams of being able to spend your whole lives together, how you wouldn’t be the couple sat in silence in the pub, you would always have something to talk about. Was it just a dream? can the dream become a reality?

Yes it can! but you may need to find out what your partners ‘love language’ comes from The Five Languages of Love, is the title of a book by Gary Chapman. I would like us to look at the love language he calls Quality time.

Quality Time is not something we may notice until it is missing. Many of my clients who come for help with their relationship complain about the amount of time their other half spend on the laptop, the phone or some other device. while in themselves these are not bad things in fact they can be very important but if you feel the phone, the laptop, work or anything else is more important to your partner than you are, then its time to do something about it. .

Quality time is undivided attention, it means talking together, just the two of you. Time is always in short supply, much of it is taken up with work and day to day chores like shopping, washing, cooking and childcare. So we cannot choose how we spend all of it. The time that’s left is ours to use as we will, what we do with that time counts, that is where we can get selfish and want the time left for ourselves. Now it is very important to have time to yourself and meeting your needs but if your partners primary love language is Quality Time you could be unconsciously giving signals that they don’t matter to you thus spoiling your relationship and upsetting your partner.

If your partners love language is Quality Time, 20 minutes of your undivided attention can make your partner feel loved, important and content, can you consider trying this? If it makes a difference it may need to be an ongoing commitment, the rewards for finding your partners love language are an improved relationship, no more walking on egg shells, the home is somewhere you want to be, your relationship comes alive again.

I have vacancies for counselling sessions via Zoom at the present time and looking to go face to face again in the near future.

#couples #counselling #relationships

Get Yourself a Bit of Praise

I have mentioned the 5 love languages by Barry Chapman. I would like to post a brief thought on each language and how life can better if we are aware of how we show and receive these ways of communicating with people and how they may receive demonstrations of love or respect shown to them.

words of Affirmation

How much do You like a compliment, a word saying well done or thank you?

Possibly you brush it off and pretend not to be touched by it but then you play that special ‘Affirmation’ in your head later on, does it boost you?

What about if it is your partner who says something appreciative or loving when you least expect it?

Words are very important, we can use them to build up or tear down.

Let us use them to build up the self esteem of those we come into contact with. Start to become aware of saying words of affirmation to others especially those you live with.

If this is your partners love language ( the way they feel loved and special) you will see a change in your relationship.

How good are you at saying kind, appreciative comments? Or like me do you think the kind thought but it doesn’t always come out of your mouth. click like below if that’s you.

#couples #words #counselling #love

The 5 Languages of Love

It all starts so well, totally into each other, exciting, on the same page, nothing can stop us now.

So what happens to love after a while?

We may not feel loved, we may think our partner has lost interest in us. Most of my couple clients are wanting to feel loved and often their partners are convinced they are showing their love in many ways but it is going unappreciated, not even acknowledged by the person it is directed to. This causes both to retreat.

Life gets busy, couples stop communicating with each other on anything sensitive or intimate as they don’t feel their partner is listening or even cares. Life can become hum drum, predictable and loveless, sometimes uncomfortable atmospheres at home cause the couple to seek more time apart and slowly the love that started so well begins to die, how sad.

A man called Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 love languages explaining how we have different priority of needs from our partner and different ways of meeting any perceived needs in our partner, he calls these love languages. There are 5 love languages in all, not to many to get your head around.

Words of affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality time, Acts of service and Physical touch.

If you recognise your relationship in the description above, do something about it before it is too late, 102007 coupes got divorced in 2017, please don’t let your relationship be a sad statistic for 2020. Buy Gary’s book and read it. Make an appointment to see an experienced relationship counsellor. Many people are deeply hurt and confused when a marriage breaks down not just the couple themselves, their children, parents, Grandparents and friends. It also costs a lot of money to divorce and for life afterwards especially if there are children to support, there are solicitors fees and possible court fees, finding a second home for one of the partners, the list could go on. Get help before your relationship gets to this stage.
#relationships #whereislove #counselling