Do you remember when you couldn’t get enough time together? the anticipation of your next meeting, the dreams of being able to spend your whole lives together, how you wouldn’t be the couple sat in silence in the pub, you would always have something to talk about. Was it just a dream? can the dream become a reality?
Yes it can! but you may need to find out what your partners ‘love language’ comes from The Five Languages of Love, is the title of a book by Gary Chapman. I would like us to look at the love language he calls Quality time.
Quality Time is not something we may notice until it is missing. Many of my clients who come for help with their relationship complain about the amount of time their other half spend on the laptop, the phone or some other device. while in themselves these are not bad things in fact they can be very important but if you feel the phone, the laptop, work or anything else is more important to your partner than you are, then its time to do something about it. .
Quality time is undivided attention, it means talking together, just the two of you. Time is always in short supply, much of it is taken up with work and day to day chores like shopping, washing, cooking and childcare. So we cannot choose how we spend all of it. The time that’s left is ours to use as we will, what we do with that time counts, that is where we can get selfish and want the time left for ourselves. Now it is very important to have time to yourself and meeting your needs but if your partners primary love language is Quality Time you could be unconsciously giving signals that they don’t matter to you thus spoiling your relationship and upsetting your partner.
If your partners love language is Quality Time, 20 minutes of your undivided attention can make your partner feel loved, important and content, can you consider trying this? If it makes a difference it may need to be an ongoing commitment, the rewards for finding your partners love language are an improved relationship, no more walking on egg shells, the home is somewhere you want to be, your relationship comes alive again.
I have vacancies for counselling sessions via Zoom at the present time and looking to go face to face again in the near future.
#couples #counselling #relationships